A Dose of Perspective...and Funnel Cake

Okay, so I can't speak from experience on either count. But I'm reasonably certain that while being (incorrectly) deemed ineligible to run in the NCAA championships would be frustrating, and even heartbreaking, it is not, in fact, comparable to being "put on death row wrongfully."

(And I'm definitely glad I didn't have to give race interviews in the era of Web 2.0, or whatever number we're up to these days. It could have been far worse, of course--if you didn't catch the news back in February, just Google "Justin Bieber" and "Rolling Stone".)

Honestly though, college athletes and follicularly gifted pop stars aren't the only ones who could use a reality check once in awhile. Remember the last time you bonked?

Whether you'd been rolling with the fast group, or--ahem--simply set out without having any clue how long that route you'd mapped in your head really was, the result was probably the same: By the time you made it home, you'd plunged way, way down the rabbit hole.

You weren't thinking about how lucky you were that a bonk was the worst of your problems. Instead, you may have asked yourself, "Will I ever feel my legs again? Why is that bush talking to me?" Will anything ever again be right in the world?

There's only one thing to do in those circumstances (besides tell the forsythia to shut it): Bring in the jalebi.

Jalebi, which is said to have originated in Iran and is also known as Middle Eastern funnel cake, is a carbtastic treat that consists of deep-fried dough coated in sugar syrup. Unlike American funnel cake, its texture is more crunchy than doughy--sort of like eating sweetened onion rings, but without the onion. (That's a good thing.)

Today's bonk was remedied by Aria Mediterranean Cuisine in Swarthmore, PA.

And there you have it: Crisis averted. And while we're on the subject of fried foods, Happy National Doughnut Day!