Tina Fey Wants You to Wear Your Bike Helmet

Ever since Mean Girls came out, I've been a huge fan of Tina Fey. In addition to giving us Liz Lemon and Fake Sarah Palin, she's proven that kids from Delaware County, PA can become famous when they grow up--without suing Donald Duck or  marrying a Dixie Chick.

If you've browsed through any magazines lately, you may have noticed that Ms. Fey appears on the cover of a lot of them. This is because she's promoting her new book, Bossypants*, and it does not disappoint. In between the tales of working with people who pee in jars and eating lunch at Roy Rogers**, there's this gem, from a chapter about her honeymoon cruise:

"We will ride our bikes around the island with a guide to a special secluded beach where we can swim and have rum swizzles...sounds pretty good, right?*** That's what I thought too. I wouldn't shut up about it. For weeks before we left I bragged about how I had chosen the best excursion. It was fitness and fun combined!"

Soon, however, there's trouble in paradise:

"A quick check of our itinerary reveals the heartbreaking truth. The bike trip was yesterday. In my excitement, I memorized it wrong. I cry. I cry like a three year old who just wants to take her toy cash register into the bathtub."

I have no idea whether Fey considers herself a cyclist, but clearly, the lady's got potential.

Bossypants is full of good advice: make statements, not questions; don't eat diet foods in meetings. But the most important lesson of all might come from Gregory, who belonged to the Chicago-area YMCA where Fey worked after college. Here's his life story:

"'I used to be an accountant. I had a lovely wife and family. I had a big house. One day I had to go to the store, but my wife had the car. I took my bike, but I didn't wear a helmet. I got hit by a truck. I suffered a head injury. I still have difficulty walking. I lost everything. My wife left me. I lost my job. So when you ride your bike, think of me and always wear a helmet.'"

Fey goes on to explain that the accident had robbed Gregory of his short-term memory, so he would tell that story every time he met someone. Sometimes three times a day. To the same person.

There are a lot of people in this world who will tell you to wear a bike helmet--police officers; bearded bike advocates in Day-Glo vests; your mother. But if you didn't listen to them, maybe you'll listen to Gregory.

*Otherwise known as "that book with the hairy man-arms on the cover."
**I know--I thought they'd all gone out of business too. But the curly fry lives. It LIVES!
***It most certainly does.